Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
