My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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