Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
