I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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