I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize