i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
