yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
