Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
