gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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