Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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