so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
