not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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