OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
