There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
