Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize