Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
