We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
