if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
