I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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