Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
