Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
