So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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