My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
