So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
