I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
