3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
