the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
