i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
