If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
