am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
