Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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