i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
