I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
