Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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