Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
