I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
