Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
