After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
