So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
