checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
