Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
