DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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