I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize