Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
