I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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