i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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