Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
