problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
