My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
