Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
