just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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