i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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