But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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