I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
