I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
