Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
