Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

Fav 18 6640 1706
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.

Fav 33 2053 5387
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

Fav 43 4485 4870
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(408): View more from California

Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.

Fav 7 3106 1137
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(416): View more from Toronto

Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

Fav 8 1468 4261
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(678): View more from Georgia

I'll always be here to give you immoral support.

Fav 6 3208 1182
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.

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(949): View more from California

Must lick fork, like it's a DICK

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